A Hankering for an AI Spanking!

Posted on Thu Mar 12th, 2026 @ 10:41am by Commander Donald ‘Don’ Key

280 words; about a 1 minute read

Mission: A Fondness For
Location: USS Albion - Bridge
Timeline: Present

:ON:

Commander Don Key sat at the flight control console of the USS Albion, and pondered life. The brief glimpses of stars and nebulae that called this part of space their home, really humbled him and made him think of life’s important questions.

Don: “Pepperoni or Hawaiian?”

Random crewman: “Sir?”

Don: Spinning around in his chair to face the crewman. “Pepperoni or Hawaiian?”

Crewman: “In what context?”

Don: “My lunch, crewman.” he stood to his feet, “Pepperoni pizza or Hawaiian? I have a hankering for Hawaiian, but I don’t like pineapple.”

Crewman: Visibly confused.

Don: “I’ll have pepperoni. It keeps things easier.” He looked up. “Computer? Hello, computer?”

Computer: “Standing by.”

Don: “Beam a slice, and make it a big one, of pepperoni pizza into my hand.” Stretches out his hand.

Computer: “Unable to comply. I am unable to beam a slice of pepperoni pizza into your hand.”

Don: “Alright… computer, EMERGENCY SITE TO SITE TRANSPORT!! Beam a hefty slice of pepperoni pizza from the galley into my hand! The fate of the ship depends on it!”

Crewman: “The fate of the ship, sir?”

Don: whispering “If my blood sugars get too low I get a little woozy, so I find it harder to steer this thing.”

A slice of pepperoni pizza suddenly appeared in his hand.

Don: “Thank you, computer.” He eats the impressively large slice in three bites, rubs his mouth with his sleeve, and resumes his position at the helm.

Don: “Hmm, I could really do with an ice cold Coke to wash it down…” he ponders for a moment. “Computer?”

Computer: “No.”


:OFF:

Commander Donald ‘Don’ Key
Chief Flight Control Officer
USS Albion

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